Hi Hannah, im really sorry that your dad is like this with you, as you say you would think him of all people would understand !
Hope you feel better soon x

Hannah

I am so sorry that you are having trouble with your Dad. It must be difficult for both you and your parents. Maybe your Dad feels a little helpless in trying to control your condition. I know we can all say thoughtless things when we have had a bad day at work. I can only suggest that maybe you sit down with both of your parents and tell them how you really feel and not hide how ill you feel sometimes. After all if your Dad had carried out the blood test he threatened, then maybe he might have been surprised by the results. Keeping your feelings to yourself is not going to help. You must talk to someone, if not your parents, then I presume that you do have your own GP which maybe you could talk to.
Venting your frustration on this site is a good start and I am sure all of us will say that any time you need to talk we are here for you. We know how you feel. Having an illness can be very lonely, especially when you can look well from the outside.

I hope that you get some comfort soon and feel better. Working for your exams must also be adding extra strain, so take care and rest as much as you can.

Jackie
xx

Hannah, I think you are amazing to have done so much revision when you are feeling so unwell. Was your school open today, my youngest sons school was shut and my eldest sons college was shut. It isn't the weather to be out and about with a bad cold and cough. Maybe your dad is unable to handle seeing you so poorly. Also, it is hard to see how much this illness impacts on us. Even a blood test doesn't always reflect it.

You take care and I hope you feel better soon.

Deb x

Hello Hannah ahh hope nasty cold cough goes soon and sleep is way of healing you done evry evry well doing 5 hours revision feeling so rough with RA acting up to.
so sorry your dad got cross and rowing.
let them sort it out.

grr not nice atompshere for you pray all calms down and he grows to be more undestanding towards you.
much lv Melly

Hi Hannah,
Sorry to hear you've had to cope with this.
Your Dad will be frustrated that he can't help you and doesn't like seeing you so ill, but also he is only one of many doctors who do not understand RA.
You only have to look through the threads on this forum and you will find lots of references to doctors not understanding what we go through.
When he calms down have a serious talk with him and tell him exactly how your RA affects you.
Do you have the NRAS booklets you got when you joined? These will help him understand RA far better than any of his medical books.
So as well as him misunderstanding you , you have probably misunderstood him and expect him to know all about your illness, when even if he knows the textbook details, he doesn't know how it affects us in our daily lives etc so give him the benefit of the doubt! (I'm not sticking up for him, mind!)
Good luck with it and I hope your cold is better soon.
Well done for doing all that revising!
Lots of love, Doreen xx

Oh dear Hannah,

I am so sorry that this has happened but I'm afraid to say just because your Dad is a GP, he may not really understand RA at all.

Many many GPs have no experience with RA and even they may put it into the box of arthritis.

STILL, it is NOT reasonable behaviour and I am sure once he has calmed and you feel able to, you can sit and just tell him how you really feel. You mentioned you don't often show how much pain you're in, I can really really sympathise with this as I had RA since I was nearly 9 and very often, even as a young girl, would withold the amount of pain and anxiety this illness caused me. I still do, and I am in my 30s now!

Just as parents hate to see their precious children ill, and know it is out of their control, we, as children, hate to cause our parents pain and suffering too.

It is incredibly hard to carry on studying with RA...I had so many struggles with it but it will strenghten you in the long term and make you an even more courageous and inspiring young lady!

God Bless,
Amanda

How are you feeling today, Hannah? Did you get much sleep? Many people have mentioned that your Dad might well be feeling helpless around your illness, and I also agree with those who have suggested you talk with him when you are both calmer.

One way of starting this conversation is along the lines of: When I was off school the other day, and you spoke to me sharply, I felt ..... and explain how hurt you felt. It might not work, but perhaps worth a try.

You are being very mature about your life, when it is so much more complicated that other teenagers. I hope that aches are less today.

Oh! and keep ranting on here!!
MandyM

Oh, Hannah, poor you. As if it isn't enough to cope with the RA and a cold (which always makes the RA worse, imho), your dad's managed to upset you as well.

Lots of sensible things have already been said, especially the bits about your dad finding it hard to cope with not making you better - after all, he is a doctor, and that's his job, it must be really frustrating for him. And also the bits about it doesn't matter how much "head" knowledge you have, it's not the same as experiencing it for yourself.

Hannah, most of us on here have some idea of how you're feeling right now and I'm glad you know you can come on here and share things with us, you'll always find a sympethetic ear or ten.

Hope your cold feels better soon; I'm sure things will blow over with the row with your mum and dad - he's just being a parent, Hannah; because he loves you he wants what's best for you, but I know that doesn't make it any easier on you.

Take care

Anthea x

thankyou everyone for all of your suggestions and support.
i'm still not feeling better, forced myself out of bed and to the bus stop to find the bus wasn't running haha! the snow + ice is reallly bad here.
the school's still open, because our headteacher NEVER closes it, but not many people have been able to get there.
doing more biology revision at the moment, getting pretty fed up with it but i know mum will nag if i don't.
i haven't really spoken to Dad, he seemed to be in a bad mood again this morning because he has something to complete for work and has a deadline to meet, but can't get the paperwork because of the snow.
i can understand he might feel a little helpless, and he's having a really hard time because one of his collegues lost his mum last week, and my grandad (dad's dad) has terminal cancer, and even though he doesn't speak about it, i know he's struggling; but grandpa wouldn't want him to be snappy and distant!
he sarcastically said sorry last night, after mum had put him in his place. i love my mum, she understands everything so well; she understands better than i do!
i think i'll just leave him be untill he wants to talk. maybe i need to toughen up a bit and learn to make a joke out of it or something.

Hi Hannah

Sorry to hear that you've been so rough. Colds are not trivial, and with a compromised immune system they can really hit us hard. Plus there are some very nasty ones around at the moment.

I can't really add any more to what has already been said, but it was interesting to hear about your dad's problems. Although it doesn't excuse his behavour towards you, maybe he is struggling to cope with the emotion of everythng.I think that people often take things out on their nearest and dearest. We're going through a difficult time at the moment as my parents are both very ill (dad has been in hospital for 7 weeks) and mum recently lost 2 of her sisters. My brother still lives at home and instead of being uspportive to mum he's obnoxious and very abusive to her. He won't listen to anybody . I think he's struggling to cope with it all and his own relationship problems and that's his way of dealing with it. I take a deep breath and try to be calm but he's really upset me at times.


As for school not closing- tell me about it! My head's the same. Our school was open today but I didn't go in as my husband refused to drive in the ice. No doubt that will be a black mark agianst me!

Good luck with your exams.

big hugs

Maria